Are you kidding me? Eruption on Violin..

Ok I think I have about seen everything at this point. I'm in Day 208 of my YouTube addiction. I try not to post too much shit from YouTube but this one was interesting...



What in the Wide World Of Sports is this??

Yankees / Red Sox Who is better?? A Scentific View.

I am tired of the bull shit about "Yankees Suck" and "Red Sox Suck" and "Manny Being Manny" and Jerry Remy "Is The Best 2nd Baseman Ever" and "Dwight Evans Hall Of Fame rip off" and "Yankee Stadium Doesn't have a Yellow Pole Named After a Guy With Under 20 HRs (Johnny Pesky)"...

Enough..

So I decided to use some practicality in determining which franchise is better. And I am gonna dive deeper than shallow comments like "Socks is not spelled Sox" or "Bawston Sucks Cahck"..
I'm Digging Deeper! Using Complicated Mathmatical formula's like + (Plus) and =(Equals) and -(Minus)..

Sawks Fans fans pay attention.. I know ya confused and would ratha take ya cah and drive ta Fawl Rivah find a Packy and drink some bee-yeas withe ya pal Sully from Quincy.. Ya know tha Qincy Que-ah that was dating ya sistah.. This math is ratha easy enough fa even you ta fal-al. Grab a Sode-er and he-ah we go..

I am not "shoo-ah" "weah" this is going to go so lets try the "Ben Franklin Balance Sheet" to figure it out.

You probably know, Benjamin Franklin was one of the wisest and most respected men in history.Wouldn't you agree? Sure he was. He was an Inventor, Scholar, Revolutionary and a founding father.. He even flew kites in lighting storms. So not only was he Smart.. He was also Damn Tough. Like Chuck Norris Tough!

Whenever good old Ben was faced with a tough decision - much like the one we are deciding today today. He would take a plain piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and put a plus sign on one half, and a minus sign on the other.

He discovered that by listing all the positive elements on the plus side of the paper, and the negative things on the minus side, the answer would become obvious. That makes a lot of sense and I am sure that Yankee Fans and Sox Fans would agree..

So let's borrow Ben Franklin's method for just a moment. Since we are having a tough time deciding this.

Lets list the reasons the Yankees are Far Superior, then we'll list the reasons the Sox are far superior. Fair enough?


YANKEES Reasons | RED SOX Reasons
1923 1903
1927 1912
1928 1915
1932 1916
1936 1918
1937 2004
1938 2007
1939
1941
1943
1947
1949
1950
1951
1952
1953
1956
1958
1961
1962
1977
1978
1996
1998
1999
2000


Lets now count the reasons the reasons The Yankees Suck By Counting the Red Sox Column. Don't sweat it sox fans you can use both your hands... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. 7. Ok there are Seven Reasons why the Red Sox are better than the Yankees.

Ok Lets know count the Reasons the Yankees are better than the Red Sox. We can do this by counting the Yankees Column. Know Sox fans "Ya betta get yah Motha and Fatha to help count". Start with "yah Motha's" hands.. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Know get your fathers hands... 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.. Now Your hands.. 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.. 26. There are 26 reasons why the Yanks are better.

Now for some simple math. Lets use our fingers and take away 7 Yankee fingers. 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18. 18

So real simple there are 18 REASONS WHY THE RED SOCKS SUCK.

EIGHTEEN!!

So Who is the World's Best Guitarist??

This questions has gotten much debate in my life with other dudes that play guitar. I always thought the best guitarist in the world was either Eddie Van Halen or Stevie Ray Vaughn. Both of which I idolized as a child learning to sling the rosewood. In High School the argument was made that Jimmy Paige was superior to EVH and everyone was forced to take a side. I took the Eddie side and to this day can't stand Led Zeppelin. Because of this dislike for Jimmy Paige..

So my position (Until Today) has been Eddie for pure kick assness and SRV for the soul he put into his playing....

Before I get down to it here are my favorite Guitar players in no particular order..

EVH, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Vernon Reid (Living Color), Pete Townsend, Vito Bratta (White Lion), Nino Bettencourt (Extreme), Hendricks and Stevie Vai.. Also Kenny Wayne Sheppard..

Then today I was watching a youTube of Eddie Van Halen RIPPING in back in the day. (This is a sick guitar solo) See Below... And came across a video of, in my opinion, the World's Best Guitarist....... STANLEY JORDAN! "Flair Jordan" if you will.. This dude is AMAZING playing 2 guitars at once?? Are you kidding me?? Below is a video of him taking a god awful song (Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven) and making it UNBELIEVABLE!! Be sure to watch the solo where he makes everyone look foolish..

Phil Baroni -Vs- Kala Kolohe Hose Fight Video

Phil Baroni is still one of my favorite fighters and I am proud to sponsor him with CondomDepot.com. This dude is a kick ass Italian (as am I) and am sure he will bounce back from this 5th round KO.

Dear Elliot Spitzer,

L I hope my little note finds you well!

I just wanted to let you know that you have let me down around the world. Not listen L, I always thought of you as some type of bafoon, but then had a change of mind when I heard that you was gettin' some. We all know that your wife was not the most attractive women and when word came that you have been bangin' hookers, we were all proud.

Specially when you are dishing out upwards of $5,000 for a screw!! She must of been one great Piece of Ass!

Then I came across a picture of said prostitute "Kristen".

And Mr. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer, I was let down. Yeah she's OK looking but at $5,000? Not to mention your reputation, your family, and your CAREER.

Now I must go and check my records under your various aliases to see home many condoms we have shipped you "Discreetly" over the last 10 years. I just wonder what you did when you couldn't afford $5,000 and what some of those skanks looked like.

Toops.. Curry Is What You Want.

I was on a friends myspace just now and saw this at the top of the page. A banner Ad for Single Muslim dot com... Are you fuking kidding me???

A Heart Blessed Thank You To All My JT.com Readers!

I wanted to take a second and thank all of you that make johnnytampa.com possible. The Four of you (Well three If I take myself out) make this Blog something worth working on. To celebrate I have decided to do some special new things on JohnnyTampa.com...


1.) I will be charging a small monthly fee of $1,000 per user. Now the more readers I get the less I will have to charge. This $1,000 will equal $4,000 a month... Sweet.

2.) Future Rebates. This is correct. If a reader can subscribe 2 friends (I did it) 3*6 = 18.. At 18 readers the monthly access fee will be reduced to only $222.22 a Month! Thats a Savings of Almost $800 a Month!!! Where else you gonna get a deal like that!

3.) Special Monthly Football Picks. $4,000 a month gets one week a month of picks.. If I was getting paid $8,000 a month I would give you 2 weeks and POSSIBLY through in EVERY OTHER Monday Night.

4.) New Feature.. Ask JohnnyTampa.. Ask anything you like. Submit questions hand written in pencil on a Double Saw Buck (Twenty Dollar Bill) inside a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope.


In the future you can expect more of the same sarcasm and maybe I will start posting more crap that pisses me off like the Baywalk Peace Parade, Omerosa from Celebrity Apprentice and why I am getting my ass handed to me by the Stock Market.


Enough... I aint getting paid for this.. But one last thing...


YANKEES BASEBALL

Attention All Red Sox Fans...

GO FUCK YOURSELF THATS RIGHT KING THE FUCKING SOX HAVE AS MUCH CHANGE THIS YEAR AS THE RAIDERS!!! JUST THE FACTS BABY..

PS: Tell Manny to take a fucking shower already!!


~~ General Johnny Tampa Over And Out!